Meditation on COVID-19

Just in case Covid-19 wasn’t getting enough coverage, I decided I needed to write about it too. This outpouring is surprising us all as I write it at 5:32AM. I woke up around 4AM and did my best to relax back into another hour or so of sleep but it just wasn’t in the cards. I decided to pop up and start my morning routine early, and realized it’d been a while since I meditated.

I usually like to meditate with some guidance (I like Calm and there are a handful of other options out there if you’d like an app based platform or find a practitioner you like to follow on social media), and this morning I jumped into the Daily Calm. Today’s meditation centered around Shempas, a new concept to me. Tamara (my favorite narrator on the app) lead me through some targeted breathing and then introduced the Shempa term, illuminating another word for the attachment we feel to expectations and the customary reaction we might have without thought.

I know my restless mind this morning needed to hear those words and that concept. We’re living through a new experience, one most of us who are alive right now have not experienced on this scale. A global pandemic. There’s just a new level of uncertainty stemming from our current climate, and it can access nearly every part of our world.

I’m feeling so much more aware of the systems I exist as a part of, the organization I work with, my family of origin, my partnership at home, so much more aware of the part I play in the lives of people around me. I’m so much more aware of what I’ve prioritized over the years and how a new experience of fear and uncertainty impacts my thoughts and behaviors.

This morning’s session encouraged my to look at my reactions, what am I leaning on to cope with this discomfort. As I am learning to take better care of myself, I am finally able to see these patterns of behavior with open eyes, what are the quick fix feeling triggers, where am I pressing to spike my dopamine? If I’m being honest, it’s buying new workout clothes and living a bit with my head in the sand. Limiting my information input can be helpful, but as an emotional avoidant - it quickly becomes dangerous. Working out and moving my body is a huge gift I can give myself, but charging a bunch to my credit card in a time of economic instability, quickly becomes a slippery slope.

Take this time we have and be honest about how you’re treating it, give yourself grace, but maybe also be brave enough to take a peek at how you’re supporting yourself and make sure it’s not a reaction, but a response. Give yourself access to resources in the areas where you’re struggling. Look at what your Shempas might be and try to sneak off the hook that would spark your usual reaction, see if it’s a place you can grow from.

We’re navigating something that will continue to have far reaching impact for years to come. There is gravity to this, feel the emotions that are coming along with this situation, give them value, but don’t let them run your entire experience of this time. There will be some immense gifts out of this time if you can root into it with yourself, just don’t forget these are wild times and we’re sitting with a lot of discomfort. Tamara also included this insight from Pema Chodron, “Let difficultly transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how to not run away.” I spent a lot of years running from what was difficult, uncomfortable or nuanced and the one thing I learned is that it will continue to circle back until you’re able to look at it. Nothing is ever as scary when you really turn the light on it and look.